Friday, September 21, 2007

Fun with the personals

I used to amuse myself by reading the personal ads. Of particular interest was the "I saw you" section, which, I suppose many people read, half hoping, half fearing to see themselves depicted in it. Eventually I lost interest and yesterday read through the Hook cafe column for the first time in a few years.

One notable change: people write their ads themselves. Back in the day, you dictated your message or wrote it on an index card and mailed it to the paper or whatever. One year I thought it would be hilarious to post a fake "I saw you" ad directed at my husband as an April Fool's joke, and I definitely recall you couldn't just write your message yourself into a an internet text box as apparently, you do now. The difference? The messages are now untouched by the kindly hand of an editor.

If you want to capture Lady Fair, this may not be the right way to go about it: (ditto for Prince Charming.)

ROCK MY WORLD 1970S ROCK MASSICIAN WANT TO MEET VERY ATTRACTIVE LADY IN HER 40'S AND HAVE FUN MAYBE SOME TRAVEL AROUND THE WORD.

Note: all caps are probably not a wise choice.

HI! I'M SUNSHINE HI I'M SUNSHINE. I'M A LEO. I'M A QUIET BUT UPFRONT PERSON. I HAVE A HIGH OPINION OF MYSELF. I BELIEVE HONESTY IS UPMOST AND BEAUTY IS ONLY IN THE INSIDE NOT THE OUT.



When using humor, proceed with caution.

Atrophied, scab-encrusted dirtball ISO short/chubby/loudmouthed/trashy tart, adept at car-repair/rope tricks. Hey, that's not right!!! Intelligent/educated/romantic/well-built single-white-male in-search-of smart/sexy/athletic single-white/Asian-female...

Actually, I thought that was funny until, "Hey, that's not right!!!" I'd like to have seen him stick to asking for a loudmouthed tart and see what came along.

Beware of the image you present

Laid back love having fun I enjoy being outdoors walking and talking to someone who will pay attention, and is not afraid to share their dreams. I believe in staying in good physical condition and want someone who feels the same way. I can also enjoy a good movie. I just finished watching "notebook" loved it.

I don't think so. If this guy really loved The Notebook, then he is a total weenie. The other alternative is, he picked the movie he thought most appeals to women and claimed he loved it in order to attract them. If this is the case, he's a shameless panderer, and also has a low opinion of women. The Notebook? It must be the worst movie ever made. I've C&P'd a review I once wrote of it at my xanga site:


The Notebook: It's boy meets girl in the South amid the backdrop of inauthentic 1940's fashions. Poor boy. Rich girl. Her snobby parents break them up. “He's trash! Trash!” screams Joan Allen, playing the role of Mother. Joan Allen is Wrong. We know he isn't trash because he reads Poetry and Sam Shepherd is his daddy. The girl, “Allie” is forced to study Latin, but what she really wants to do is Paint. (Naturally.) And so it goes in predictable fashion. Hackneyed story aside, this movie is just careless. In one scene, Allie and Noah are rowing on a river in the midst of a massive flock of white birds. He tells her they usually migrate to some other place and will be gone soon. But here's the thing: some of the birds are geese, and some are swans. Do birds of different species migrate together? I don't know anything about birds, but I can tell a goose from a swan, and if I were a Hollywood screenwriter, I wouldn't feature a great damn flock of migrating birds unless I'd gotten one of my minions to research the habits of such birds. But that's just me.

Also comic: the nursing home scene at the end. The old lady is freaking out and the doctor says, “Give me two c.c.s.” Just like that. (I had the subtitles on.) Two c.c.s, without specifying two c.c.s of what, as if a c.c. is a tangible thing in its own right like two aspirins or two smacks in the head.



1 comment:

  1. Very funny commentary on the personals and also about the movie, which I didn't see because I hated the book.

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