Friday, May 16, 2008

Now, with dextrose!

I love old magazines. I love them for their unashamed sexism, the awful recipes, the repulsive food pictures, the fashions, the home decorating and design articles.

I love this ad from a 1936 Better Homes and Gardens. (Click to enlarge it for full enjoyment.) Here's the copy:

Dextrose is sugar, the normal sugar of the human body. From Dextrose comes the energy we need to breathe, to walk, to talk...yes, even to think. Dextrose banishes fatigue, balances the wear and repair of the body. In Dextrose is glowing, radiant warmth and food-energy. And of greatest importance, Dextrose is instantly digested--in fact, it is immediately absorbed by the bloodstream without need of digestive effort. Kre-mel is rich in Dextrose!

Old magazines also focus a lot on how "digestible" foods are, not something you hear much of today. Who wants to try some Kre-mel? It's only $.05 for four servings! And it's America's most healthful and delicious dessert. I bet I could find a dusty box of it at Stoney's. Or Reid's.

Speaking of Dextrose, I need my morning fix, liberally laced with caffeine, of course. Can you imagine this ad for Coffee:

It's rich in trimethylxanthine! Trimethylxanthine is nature's get-up-and-go. From trimethylxanthine comes the energy we need to walk, to talk, to write long and incoherent blog posts...yes, even to think! Trimethylxanthine banishes fatigue. In trimethylxanthine is glowing, radiant energy, happiness and Adenosine-antagonist. Trimethylxanthine is a completely natural substance that mimics a substance your body makes itself, Adenosine. Trimethylxanthine binds to your brain's Adenosine receptors and tricks your brain into feeling alert and awake when actually, you've had just two hours of sleep! Drink coffee! It's rich in trimethylxanthine!

Speaking of sexism, can we talk about Hilary Clinton for a minute? I do not like Hilary Clinton. At the same time, I am offended by some of the blatant sexism aimed at her, and which, undoubtedly, would be aimed at any woman running for president. That Neanderthal screaming, "Iron my shirt!" comes to mind, although, clearly, he is not a representative of the typical American male. Or is he?

On the other hand, I don't like the notion that women, as feminists, must vote for Clinton. Once upon a time, some women voted the way their husbands told them to. Some probably still do. Should we now vote the way some women's groups are telling us to? Is that any different?

I read on Jennifer's Charlottesville about women who are boycotting Obama, and who claim they have "millions" of followers.

Their message is menacing. Are we supposed to believe "millions" of women are supposedly going to boycott Obama because he is a man? Millions? I doubt it. And what are we, as women, supposed to take from that message? That if we vote for a man over a women we are betraying our sex? That you should betray your own convictions in order to vote for someone who shares your sex?

Obama, meanwhile, is in trouble for calling a reporter "sweetie." I saw a clip of the incident, and he is being dismissive, I have to admit it. I also have to admit he looks sexy while doing it. Isn't that awful? But it's true, he's totally sexy during the "sweetie" incident, which no doubt illustrates a paradox about women and their attraction to their man-oppressors* which my brain, as yet free of trimethylxanthine can not articulate.

*I meant men as oppressors in general, not Obama specifically as an oppressor, which he is not.

1 comment:

  1. Those old ads crack me up. As for the "digestible" thing, I think I remember reading that it's because, in that era, Americans didn't understand the need for fiber in their diets and, as a result, many had problems with constipation.