Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Slattern

I magic erasered my walls today, in anticipation of school starting. What kept going through my head as I worked was an old Bayer aspirin commercial: "If your headache is too strong for Bayer, see your doctor," only instead, I kept thinking, "If your stains are too much for Magic Eraser..." do what? Seek professional help, I guess. I did manage to eraser away about 85% of the stains in the kitchen and living room. And if 85% cleaner walls seem like cold comfort when I am struggling to write yet another care plan, cold comfort is better than no comfort.

If you've ever visited discussion boards, particularly discussion boards dedicated to parenting, you have come across threads discussing how clean your house is. There is always someone who claims that, while her house is messy, it is clean. A clean mess, which is, apparently, preferable to a space that is tidy, but dirty. Why is this preferable? Because clutter is more sanitary than finger smudges on the walls? The implication, of course, is that it's OK to be messy as long as your sink sparkles and there is no dried toothpaste on the bathroom mirror.

My house is generally tidy, but it is also kind of dirty. Since "slut" means untidy or dirty, in addition to sexually promiscuous, I guess you could call my housekeeping sluttish.


I've discussed hiring someone to clean for me, but this brings a whole host of other problems that I don't want to contemplate. As I cleaned my walls today, I thought I could just call an agency and ask for a one-time emergency clean. Then I imagined coming home at the end of the day, only to discover that the cleaning people could not work in a house in which some of the electrical faceplates are missing (hazardous!) or charge quadruple for people with dogs (disgusting!) or found my cleaning products to be inadequate and made me run to the store numerous times for the correct products, and that would be like reliving the day of the tile contracter, and I definitely don't want to do that.

Then again, if I hired someone, my house might be one of those places in which the sun slanting through the windows is free of dust motes, the teakettle on the stove sparkles like a mirror, there is no dust collecting on the tops of the baseboards, there are no butter knives in the couch cusions, the children always behave perfectly and the mother is gorgeous and fashionable and a good cook.

5 comments:

  1. I live in a sluthouse.

    I do love the Magic Eraser. It's like a spongy brick of happiness.

    Good luck with your care plan.

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  2. Excellent post, love the image of you running to the store trying to please the cleaning ladies (the corporate ones bring their own supplies). I am with you on the slutty house.

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  3. I hear you--and it's so hard to meet the standard in magazines and on TV--with enough light, you can see fingerprints, stains, dust and grime. Everywhere. That's why I like a cloudy day:)

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  4. "There is always someone who claims that, while her house is messy, it is clean."

    Yes! That never made sense to me, although that might be because my house is both messy and somewhat unclean.

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