Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Live blogging during "More to Love."

Ordinarily, I shun reality TV and I'm proud to say I've never once seen an episode of The Bachelor but as I busied myself with useful household tasks, I heard More to Love in the background and the combination of fatuousness and pathos was irresistible.

The show, apparently set up along the lines of The Bachelor, features a cast of overweight people and begins with an interview of the bachelor guy, Luke, who talks a lot about how true beauty is on the inside, how he wants to meet a girl and like her "for who she is," blah, blah, blah. The amazing thing about this recital is that Luke seems to believe he is the original author of these platitudes. Oh, and the implication that it is impossible for fat people to be beautiful. Then he talks a bit about how his love of eating, particularly being outside and grilling, because, you know, fat people like to eat and being overweight is the consequence of enjoying a good dinner and nothing else.

Now it is time to meet the "girls," each of whom has a quick meeting with Luke. At this point I was still in the other room. One girl seems to be crying, another announces that she is from Wisconsin and that women in Wisconsin spend all their time in the kitchen. I imagine women all over Wisconsin choking on their popcorn at this piece of information. The girls all coo about how cute Luke is and how he has "great eyes."

Each woman, when she is introduced, has her age, occupation, height and weight posted on the screen. Each of them is gorgeous, somewhat contradicting the show's premise that it's about loving people "for who they are," whatever that means.

Now Luke is sitting on a ridiculously large couch with two of the women. Seriously, none of their feet can touch the floor and they look like idiots. One woman is really forward and kisses Luke on the lips, and the other one looks uncomfortable and I feel sorry for her. Apparently the point of this evening is to whisk Luke from one romantic vignette to another, because now he is tenderly draping his jacket over the shoulders of a different woman who confesses to him she's never been on a date in her life. She seems nice and I wish someone had told her that it isn't necessary to volunteer that sort of information. Wait, what? Someone just jumped in the pool! In her sequined gown! Everyone is agog with excitement while the girl squeals "This is such a great POOL!" She tries to get Luke to join her but he waffles. The other girls are catty, and you can't blame them. Pool girl has difficulty climbing out, and we see a brief flash of her red underwear. She does a cannonball back into the pool and everybody recoils in horror, including the folks at home.

Now Luke is on a different couch with a different girl, who says she speaks French, which is a vehicle for him to ask her how to say "kiss" in French and Luke asks for a kiss, causing great embarrassment for the girl. What a tool. There's some cattiness over the woman who is a rocket scientist and it's implied that she will bore him. I I suspect that he will bore her.

Five girls are going to be eliminated tonight. They are freaking out. There is a ritual involving diamond rings, I guess I was taking the cookies out of the oven when this was explained. (Because thin people like to eat too.) Oh, they are "promise rings." Oh God, with each girl, he says, "Anna (or whoever), will you wear this ring?" and they respond, "I will," with as much solemnity as if they were ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED. The never-dated girl is the first one chosen, and then French kiss girl. It is hard to see the ones waiting for their names to be called to be biting their lips and agonizing over Douchebag le Tool. Pool girl gets chosen. The rocket scientist does not. She doesn't seem terribly upset.

Now, a disgusting group hug scene with the winning women and scenes from next week complete with tears, sex, and one girl throwing a bouquet of flowers at another.

Do I even need to analyze the many reasons why this show is idiotic?

6 comments:

  1. This reminds me yet again why we don't watch any reality TV here. I think any parent gets enough reality on a day-to-day basis.

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  2. Nope. Am NOT going to tune in. Flat out refusing. Horrible.

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  3. Good frick.

    What kind of cookies were you making?

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  4. @ bythblbs: we were trying to recreate the crushed oreo cookies that we sometimes buy at a market here. I made chocolate chip cookie dough, but instead of adding chocolate chips, we dumped in a bunch of crushed oreos. They turned out to be pretty close to the cookies at the market.

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  5. Mmmm...cookies.

    I have cookie dough in my fridge that I made on Sunday. It's been too hot to bake it. It's 93 degrees in my house, for crying out loud!

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  6. I've only seen ads for these reality shows and they're enough to make me run screaming from the room, in search of knives. That, and those damned Prius ads. Oh, and the non-stop cell-phone ads. And I only watch reruns of the Simpsons! Half an hour of TV leads to all kinds of depravity.

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