Tuesday, August 04, 2009

More "More to Love:" Let the dating begin

Group date! The girls are divided into two groups, chosen by team captains. Kristian, a teacher, shows off her math skills by announcing breathlessly that fifteen is not an even number! The teams will not be equal! That's right, honey, because this week's plot twist is that the last girl to be picked gets a special alone date with Luke, the bachelor.

Group date number one is on a boat, named Dream Maker (gag) and two seconds after they board, Heather is seasick over the side. The other women can hardly conceal their glee. This week, the "girls" do not seem as sweet and hapless and they are prepared to fight for this man. The team captain--I can't remember her name so she will be known here as "Maleficent" has evidently decided that she is also a hostess because she thanks the other women for coming to eat with her and Luke. I wish for her to be the one chucking her cookies over the rail, but she is relentlessly controlled.

In the morning, the girls gather 'round with squeals to read a note from Luke. It's for Christina, the girl who gets a private date. Luke writes in block letters, about four inches high. He says her body is "bangin'" and they fly to Vegas in a private jet. They have to kiss for the camera at a restaurant table that is oddly empty of food, or even place settings. It's like the producers posed them at this table and then made them leave and eat at McDonald's. They go up to a suite and make out and Christina is as smitten as a school girl. Luke tells the camera that an ability to connect with her on a deeper level is what concerns him right now.

The second team is SCREWED. Their date is a pool party and they have to wear bathing suits. The sadism of this show's producers knows no bounds. Luke, sensibly, offers to get them drunk before they remove their cover-ups. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the other girls encourage Kristian and Mandy to sabotage themselves and leave stalker love notes in Luke's house. Back at the swimming party, Luke lies on a float like a pasha while the harem propels him about the pool. What's astonishing to me is the extent that each girl tries to convince herself that she and Luke have achieved a special closeness in what is, up to now, still a very cursory acquaintance. Ladies, only one of you is going to get him, and you're all behaving like he's the last loaf of bread in a Soviet bakery. For all you know, he's stale and moldy and once you get him, you might wish you'd bought the bagel instead.

Oh God, Kristian tells Luke that he is "the perfect man." She LITERALLY says, "You are the perfect man." You can see Luke's wheels turning: stalker note + "you're perfect"=psycho girlfriend. I predict she gets eliminated, which is disappointing because she would be a rich source of drama.

Who is this beeyotch, telling Luke that the 37 year old is old enough to be his mother? (He's 26, so that's a stretch.) Then she tells him that older women aren't as much fun because they don't like to bungee jump. To his credit, Luke seems turned off by her comments. Or is he? The 37 year old is one of the few women who hasn't made a total ass of herself so far.

Which three women will be eliminated? Maleficent announces that she's confident she'll stay this week and win Luke in the end. She is chosen. Seasick girl is chosen. Lauren, aka "old women are boring" is chosen too, and Bonnie, the make up artist, who seems to be one of the more intelligent ones in the group. He picks the Kristian, the crazy stalker/teacher. I think the producers made him do it, because he is clearly terrified of her. The 37 year old is eliminated plus two other women who didn't get much camera time so we have no idea who they are. Their names are not displayed on the screen when they make their goodbye speeches because apparently their identity is unimportant now that they have no chance of winning Luke.

Next week: the prom!


  1. NOOOOO! You're still watching this? And like someone happening upon an accident, I KEEP READING YOUR REVIEW!!!

  2. Thank you for doing this. I hate reality TV, but I love recapped reality TV.