Thursday, June 16, 2011

We'll always have the Bicycle Dress.

Anthropologie, we need to talk.  I think we've been seeing too much of each other. It's not you, it's me.   You've been great, really.  I remember my very first Anthropologie catalog.  I thought, "Who would ever dress like this?" but by the time the second catalog came I began to see the possibilities.  Every day, getting dressed would be like putting on a costume.  Who could I be?  A painter in Paris in 1928?  A recent graduate of a buttoned-up secretarial school?  A 1950's movie star?  A Palm Beach socialite circa 1963?

We've had some good times and I will always remember some of the outfits we created.

Woman Having a Nervous Breakdown blouse

This is what I wear on my yacht pants

"Your ass looks hot in that skirt" skirt

Not afraid of birthdays blouse

Drinking and Driving dress

Slouching Through Rome clogs

Middle School Graduation Motherfuckers dress

Getting the Side-Eye at the BBQ dress

The Bicycle Dress.  My god, the Bicycle Dress!
I wore it to the Charlottesville Dogwood Festival, where it is comme il faut to be toothless and display one's muffin top with pride.  I ran into friends.  They very kindly did not raise their eyebrows at my outrageous attire.  Perhaps they were distracted by the carnie with an abdominal mass the size of a Toyota Prius.  We discussed his health care options.  "I'm sure he's getting it checked out," my friend said.  "I hear they have an amazing health plan."

I've been seeing a lot of J. Crew lately.  It's where I bought my job interview suit, my dozens of identical navy blue and black tee shirts, my chinos, my cardigan for over-airconditioned summer restaurants.  J. Crew clothes may lack imagination, but they'll never have the other ladies thinking, "who does she think she is?"

Anthropologie, I hope we can be friends.  I'd like to visit you from time to time, like if I'm every invited to a garden party.


  1. I've only shopped at Anthro once or twice and bought accessories both times. Now I'm thinking I need to get on their mailing list so that I can start shopping for my next upper elementary school graduation ceremony dress.

  2. Please don't ever stop writing, shopping or wearing outrageous outfits. xoxoxo

  3. Please don't stop shopping at Anthropologie. Your purchasing of Anthro merchandise as documented on your blog is what allows me to shop there guilt free. I will even have a garden party if it will induce you to shop there some more. (I say this even though I am wearing an anthro knockoff shirt made by Jcrew at the moment).

  4. What's wrong with the bicycles?
    I think they look attractively eccentric. I at first thought it was a dress especially made for riding a bicycle. I was imagining a strengthened "rear" area with additional padding, and maybe some special hidden pockets for the carrying of bicycling essentials; tyre pump, rubber patches for punctures, Vaseline for the friction burns.

    Never heard of Anthropologie ... from context; some kind of shop?

  5. Yes, it's an expensive women's clothing retailer.

  6. I wish I could shop there. Alas, I have no Anthro nearby. Lucky you.