Monday, November 19, 2012

Just life.

It sucks to waste an entire Saturday being sick, but I seem to have caught the virus that is going around my office.  I forced myself out to do the shopping, but was overcome near the fish and had to leave the store in a hurry, reminiscent of the terrible Christmas Eve two years ago, when I sat in the car in the Whole Foods parking lot, throwing up into a leaky nylon beer bottle carrier, while fourteen-year old Grace and her friend Sophie did all the Christmas grocery shopping for me.  After the store Saturday I went straight to bed and stayed there for hours, starting to feel human again by dinnertime.

Yesterday I felt much better and to prove it I cleaned the refrigerator and climbed a ladder and cleaned the bird shit off the kitchen window.  Now my refrigerator is a shining receptacle for a big bloody turkey that will no doubt leak all over the lettuce and my kitchen window is satisfyingly shit free.

Window cleaning preparations:  It is a challenge to prop a ladder anywhere on our property, but I wedged a shoebox under the ladder feet.

Jon was at work, lest you think he was lolling on the couch while I was up ladders.

Meanwhile, despite the disastrous appraisal, our refinance went through.  We closed last Wednesday.  This means we will be paying off our mortgage nine years early and will be going ahead with the urban courtyard of excellence, so it's happy times at the Crabsticks'.

So, the courtyard--we had Miss Utility over to map for us the things we don't want to destroy with a backhoe.  Is Miss Utility a Virginia thing, or does everybody have her?  At any rate, Miss Utility drew a line of yellow spray paint to denote the gas line, sprayed a blob of blue paint on the water meter, refused to identify the mystery pipe in the front yard, and condescendingly informed me that the phone and electric lines are located overhead.

Jon had an idea.  As long as the gas line is going to be exposed we could buy gas lamps, connect them to the lines (pre-meter, of course) and have lovely gas lighting for our driveway.  "Where are we going to buy gas lamps?" I jeered.  "Gas lights dot com?"  Still, having come from a place where gas lights are standard and not horrible electric ones like Charlottesville has, the idea attracted me.  Don't worry, we are not going to steal gas from the city to power our very own outdoor lighting, I promise, although the idea has a certain naughty brilliance.

Meanwhile, Contractor Kyle came over and dug around the mystery pipe, in an attempt to identify it. He dug for over an hour and never reached the point at which the pipe branched off to go anywhere but down.

I am convinced it is a portal to the Underworld.



  1. I'm starting to see a connection between vomit and Whole Foods. Maybe the high prices induce nausea? The People of Food Lion welcome you. Please don't ask where the organic truffles are.

    If I start dieting now I can fit in that portal by 2025.

  2. Although nothing beats the sparkly perfection of hand-washed windows, the magical Green Jug that screws onto the hose-end does a very good job, save a a few drips behind the screens. One bottle easily does the whole house (I have fifteen windows so one bottle does mine more than twice) which is not a bad $8 investment. Don't clean windows make your house about five times brighter inside? It would probably get the insides just as clean but the problem of fifty gallons of hose water on the floor has me stumped.

    And I'm looking at a re-fi soon, too. Interest rates are unbelievable, and with my bank's no-points special I can even get a fifteen-year loan and lower my payment. Bam!

  3. Jenny-Magical green jug? I have never seen this product. Must find! I hate dirty windows.

  4. I am intrigued by your mystery pipe. I have a mystery light switch in my living room.

  5. Who's loving Not Beehive right now? Me, that's who. Why doesn't she have a blog, too?

  6. Portal to the underworld sounds exciting. Your house really is a treasure.

  7. Windex makes it--it screws on to your hose, which blasts the stuff onto even high windows, like a pressure washer. There's a little dial to turn off the soap so you can rinse. It has some ingredient that causes the water to sheet off--hardly any spots! I've even refilled a half-empty bottle with water and it still did a good job. Home Depot, WalMart, maybe even the grocery store should have it. (I've used the power-wash to clean up under the eaves and get cobwebs off my porch ceiling, too!) I think most specialized cleaning products are a waste of money, but not this one.

  8. The other night I dreamt someone came over and washed my windows for me because they couldn't stand how they looked anymore. Such a kind, concerned stranger.

    I completely concur with the underworld portal theory.

  9. I always go on a cleaning tear after being sick, too.
    Congrats on the refinance!
    Mystery pipe...keep us posted. Now I wonder what it could be.